The last few weeks i've had a few days off school because i've felt myself sinking again, and i know it's no where near as bad as this time last year, and that is good because i can look back and know that i have grown stronger in some ways, just not others. but it still feels horrible. It especially feels horrible because one of the biggest things that i haven't recovered from is my clothes. i still find it extremly difficult to go into shops, to try things on, and to wear things that might show more than i intend. I have the friends, and the boyfriend, the only other thing i need to get over this is money, and as my tutor is the lamest tutor in history, he doesnt seem to understand "sir can you put my attendance as medical" thus me not recieving any ema, owing my mum a load of money, and not even having any to live off, let alone to buy clothes with.
so i'm pretty annoyed about that, but i am glad that i got it out because it's kind of eating me up at the moment. i can get by during the week from a few quid here and there that i can get off my mother, but i also have shampoo to buy, soap, creams and other stuff, and with an empty pocket this gets very hard.
it's also getting hotter, and i do feel better this year that i did last year, i'm determind not to let the weather get me down, at least not yet. it will mainly be better because i will have left school, and won't have to travel very dfar to do anything, i will have moved house by the time it g ets very hot, and that means i will be working also, which means i can get more money for clothes. i just have to survive the rest of school.
i really am glad that i have tyler here to help me through this, sometimes he sees right through me and thinks about himself, but the times he is here are the best times i have had so far, and he really is helping me alot.
last night i had a bad dream about stoo, i dont remember mcuh, but it was a train station and i rang him because he was the person who gives you directions to places, and a girl answered and said that hes hurt and it's all my fault.
i can't help wondering when it will all end.